am an alien.
But not an alien to the
An alien - or an elf-child: it doesn't matter.
I have no idea who
my father was, and I had and have no interest in finding out. My
mother was so traumatised that she could not mention, much less
discuss, it. He might have been her Canadian cousin.
I keep my distance from human-beings.
They have a horrible tendency to get close to each other in order
to suck out or oppress each other more successfully.
I do not understand the drivenness,
meddlesomeness, hypocrisy, tunnel-vision, optimism, sentimentality
and emotional stupidity of humans, nor their refusal to use reason
except when it suits their cruelty and greed. I do not understand
why they invented gods, religion, 'spirituality', 'progress', prostitution,
'normality', 'love' and so on - unless to compensate for the incomprehensible
hate they have for 'nature'. And why do they sacrifice content to
form ? And why is the only irrational and gratuitiously-nasty creature
the one to invent Reason and altruism ?
I hate their indistinguishable groups
and teams, tribes and nations; I have never joined any of these
voluntarily - except Amnesty International from which I soon
Human life does nobody any good.
I never wanted to marry a human.
I had myself sterilised. Sex with humans makes me feel even more
remote and bereft. I understand why prostitutes have to take substances
- cocaine, amphetamines, or glue - in order to perform. Everything
human is horrible. It took me twenty years to understand that
I was not attracted to women, then a further twenty years to realise
that I was attracted to men only æsthetically, in the same
way that I am attracted to most mammals, trees and smells.
Being too 'holy' for prostitution,
I can't offer myself as the figurehead of a new mad American Church
of the Holy Alien.
So I'm standing in the thicket-acre
which I bought as a tiny place to keep free of humans who have alienated
themselves from life and the planet: a sanctuary for badgers, brambles,
foxes, birds - and an alien: I shall feed them all in this my burial-ground.
Here is the air-tight body-bag.