Gentle, not-remotely-cruel April Showers,
which, in France, normally fall in March.
Thank you for your thoughtful reply to my blog.
I have lotsa.gnus.
has (so far) been another interesting one. Feeling extremely fine
when I woke up, I then found that I was a bit tottery, so moved
slowly and with care.
I went to the enormous vide-grenier at Septfonds. On the
way there everything appeared double: double cars, double poles,
double tractors, double speed-cameras presumably as a result
of the toxic substance mentioned below but the road remained
double vision for the first time. Wow! But then it resolved itself
to single vision as I entered Septfonds, formerly one of the two
local centres for the manufacture of straw hats.
to say, I found a pretty euphorbia in a long planter. 3
euros. It is hardy. I also found a nice leather-covered pipe (rare
now, bought only by collectors who must themselves be pretty rare)
in very good condition for my rare grass-smokes.
called to see Sylvia, who had been to the new and (she says) excellent
dentist at Septfonds. So I'll go to her in September, rather than
the excellent one in Montauban whom Phyllis recommended to me
last year. Sylvia's partner Jérôme was watching a
documentary with the sound turned down. Apparently, he chain-watches
them when he's at home. With the sound turned down ? Maybe. Or
maybe he turned it down when I appeared. He is a man of little
conversation (to say the least). But he has provided Sylvia with
a fine old house and garden. The red water-lily I gave her is
way out of Septfonds I gave a lift to Bouc. (half of Colin and
animal-welders). This is the first time I got to talk to him (after
six years) and it was fine because I felt I knew him, so there
was no stress making me say silly things. I told him about my
condition, and my deafness (I forgot to put in my hearing-aids
yet again) so I'm sure he'll pass on the info to Colin
who is due to visit in the next day or so to choose (for Caylus-Arts'
first show of the year) three or four pictures from the fifty
or so hanging on the walls and in a pile in the cellar.
couple of weeks ago I went from very down to very up, I stopped
taking my Escitalopram SSRI. This was only 2 days after my doctor
talked about the terrible things that can happen if one stops
an anti-depressant, worse than the hideous consequences of childhood
masturbation. As you know, I have stopped before (other ones
Duloxetine/Cymbalta...I can't remember what I took before that),
without any ill-effects. I've been a bit light-headed (perhaps
because of the sudden arrival of summer, and the blossoming of
everything at once, from cowslips and all the fruit trees to oleanders)
but now I get a couple of seconds advance notice and take
quick appropriate action, so it's probably several months since
I have fallen on my knees and blacked out with loud noises in
my deafness is getting worse I now have a little card which I
can present to people. This means they don't talk to me, they
just smile and are helpful. It has already proved useful. This
is a picture of a similarly-designed badge I can also wear, but
I prefer a card that I can produce when necessary.
On Saturday night I smoked a little grass
and had a nice wank-with-video-enhancement
and so went cheerfully
to bed. But couldn't sleep (unusual after grass). After nearly
3 hours I decided that I'd see if the Xylazine (also known
by victims of the drug-culture as TRANQ) which I bought and received
via FedEx from China was genuine, and not merely the hydroxypropyl-methyl-cellulose
it was labelled as to deceive the Customs.
HMC is a very common food additive (E464) because it is an emulsifier
and thickening agent, an alternative to gelatin; it is also used
to treat dry eyes.
I licked my forefinger and dipped it lightly into the jar of crystals
(which look like sugar and have no taste), licked my slightly
white-speckled finger, and went back to bed, fairly sure that
I had taken enough for it to be soporific.
A fifth of a gram is fatal. But I had to spend $200 on the minimum
order of 100 grams - enough to kill everyone at a large cocktail
or garden-party...or by sprinkling a little in post-coronation
drinkies next week. (Terrorist Horror on billionaire Charles
III's first day as crowned King!) I could go to Toulouse and
commit mass-murder at the so-appropriately-named Abattoirs
art-gallery. What fun!
I'll just bury it in the woods, or, grotesquely, beside As.
I wouldn't like to poison the local sewage-plant.
is also sold in kilogram packets. Mostly it is injected into horses,
cattle and deer (maybe also gnus and baby rhinos) as an anæsthetic.
I guess slow lorises require something much less strong: an aspirin,
I soon went to sleep - and had very vivid hallucinatory dreams
(possibly waking dreams, it was hard to decide whether I was asleep
or awake). I also saw psychedelic, moving walls. Not very original.
There is nothing in the tiny literature to say that Xylophene
works like LSD. Do the horses and cattle injected with it have
colourful trips ? I noticed my heart-rate drop (this was expected)
along with my breathing (though I didn't have to fight for breath).
My legs felt very peculiar but not unpleasant.
at 8 a.m. and found that my legs wouldn't move
unless I shouted
at them. So I got up a bit unsteadily, with (surprise!) a headache,
and staggered into the bathroom. Cold water was pleasant. Then
I very carefully went downstairs, but found that I couldn't swallow
my toast. The extra-strong coffee I made had no taste.
had to decide whether or not I was physically able to go to the
market, because I had ordered 20 frozen croissants from Gavin.
I slowly went to the car (rather in the halting fashion of the
late Mr. Martino next door, who was around 90 when he died), bringing
with me my wolf's head walking stick. Surprisingly, I was able
to drive, veering only occasionally and slightly across the white
line on the road. But when I completed the 12 kilometres to St-Antonin
I was quite groggy and had a horrible taste in my mouth.
I hobbled to Gavin's stall, got the croissants and headed back
to the car, pausing only to buy some fennel and a couple of big
white field mushrooms (because of the recent heat and rain). Driving
home was fine, but when I got to the house I flopped. I hadn't
peed since I took the Xylazine. Eventually I decided to go back
to bed, where I slept for a couple of hours, and woke up feeling
much better. I had only poached egg on toast for dinner. It was
another 48 hours before my normal pissing of 3-5 times a night
me how I was (because I was leaning on my stick and probably looking
a bit under the weather) and I launched into one of my involuntary
monologues, this time about my involuntary monologues and Tourette-type
talk when under stress. I told him about the episode with the
nasty crypto-nazi policeman and the subsequent 200 euro fine plus
800 euros demanded by him for his subsequent misery and suffering,
and 1 year's prison sentence suspended for 5 years for insulting
the said deeply-unpleasant and bullying gendarme. I'm sure he
could have done without hearing that story.
that I had left Gavin's nutty biscuits and a pain-aux-raisins
probably when I bought the fennel and mushrooms.
So today I decided to make pin-head oatmeal porridge again for
lunch, with real cream from the top of the bottle of the local
(but pasteurised) milk.
discovered that I had more croissants in the freezer than I thought
when I checked.
afternoon I was able to read a few chapters of Hocus-Pocus.
It has the same problem as other Vonnegut books: amusing but not
all that funny, and 100 pages are enough for me. Relentless humour
is...relentless, tiresome. Spike Milligan is a similar case. It
is very, very hard to write a book that is funny and witty and
entrancing all the way through. I have read a couple in the past
year, but of course can't remember their titles.
I know that when my fronto-temporal dementia starts to take hold
(probably not for a great many months yet) the Xylazine will work
a treat. Out goes the Chlorophine that killed As
so kindly. Probably in the same place as the 90+ redundant grams
think that my forgetfulness (to put in the hearing aids when I
go out; to put on the right glasses; to pick up the car keys from
where they are kept) is any more than a normal mild instance.
A few weeks back I kept leaving lights on all night, but that
hasn't happened recently.
fine now, still very up. I have been 2 weeks without Escitalopram.
And now I know with certainty what to (try to) reach for instead
of the phone if I fall down the stairs and break my femur again,
or the other one. If I break my neck, however, I'll just have
to lie there and die !
minimum order via AliBaba)
Muscle-relaxant; hypo-tensive, hypothermic, CNS-depressant,
mg/lb for horse-tranquilising.
In horses and Cervidae, used at recommended dosage levels
of Xylazine may occasionally cause slight muscle tremors,
bradycardia with partial A-V heart block and a reduced respiratory
rate. Movement in response to sharp auditory stimuli may
be observed. In horses, sweating, rarely profuse, has been
reported following administration. In Cervidae, salivation,
various vocalizations (bellowing, bleating, groaning, grunting,
snoring) on expiration, audible grinding of molar teeth,
protruding tongue and elevated temperatures have also been
noted in some cases.
concentrations of xylazine in humans vary. In
non-fatal cases, reported concentrations were from 30 to
ng/mL with documented toxic effects including blurred vision,
disorientation, drowsiness, staggering, coma, bradycardia,
respiratory depression, hypotension, miosis, and
hyperglycemia. Fatality case reports have documented
concentration ranges from a trace amount up to 16,000 ng
[nanogram, one billionth of a gram)/mL microlitre or
millionths of a litre]
in both as contributory factor and sole use.
Sedazine, AnaSed, Chanazine.
Regularly supplied to veterinarians.
is all the useful information I could find on the web.
allegedly from The California Examiner
This is probably the last web-page that I will
add to this site, because of PFPs (pre-frontal problems) and my